It is Ronald Reagan's birthday, and Nancy wants to
make him his favorite spaghetti sauce for dinner. So she goes to Giovanni
and asks for some tomatoes.
"Sorry," says Giovanni, "we have-a no tomatoes."
"But you must have tomatoes," insists Nancy. "It is Ronnie's birthday, and I
want to make his favorite spaghetti sauce."
"Sorry," repeats Giovanni, "we have-a no tomatoes."
"But that's ridiculous," whines Nancy. "Can't you call your wife, Maria?
Maybe she has some tomatoes?"
"Look," insists Giovanni, "we have-a no tomatoes!"
But Nancy keeps on whining.
"Okay!" shouts Giovanni. "Tell-a me something. What do you get-a when you
take the `pine' out of pineapple?"
"Apple," replies Nancy.
"Right!" says Giovanni. "And what do you get-a when you take the `gr' out of
"Ape," says Nancy.
"Good!" says Giovanni. "And what do you get-a when you take the `fuck' out
Nancy pauses, and then says, "But there is no `fuck' in tomatoes."
Giovanni screams, "That is-a what I've been trying to tell you!"
Sally Goldberg goes to the doctor to ask for some help
in losing weight before her wedding day. He prescribes a course of pills for
A few days later she returns to his office, "These pills have awful side
effects," she says worriedly. "They make me feel terribly passionate and I
get carried away. Last night I actually bit off my boyfriend's ear."
"Don't worry," says the doctor, "an ear is only about sixty calories."